My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
