don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
