Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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