found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
