Umm I'm too high to move.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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