it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
