im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
