I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
