how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
