I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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