I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
