I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
