It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
