pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
