I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
