Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think my vagina is haunted
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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