we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its not stalking. its research.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
