I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
