I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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