On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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