I skipped work to stalk him.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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