Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
