I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
