is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
