i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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