i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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