I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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