i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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