I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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