he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
