Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
