Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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