I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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