i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
