Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
