so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
