ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
