So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
