I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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