I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
