I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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