He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
