turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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