why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
