trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
