Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
