is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
