I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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