My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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