John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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