I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
