Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
