so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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