Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
