There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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