i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
